Stoicism Part II - Techniques
Except to the most avid seekers of wisdom, Stoicism is either unknown or misunderstood. To the average person, this vibrant, action-oriented, and paradigm-shifting way of living has become shorthand for “emotionless.” … In its rightful place, Stoicism is a tool in the pursuit of self-mastery, perseverance, and wisdom. [1]
As I discussed in my last post, the Stoics were the first group of western philosophers who articulated that differentiating between what you can control and what you cannot is the essence of wisdom.
The primary maxim of Stoicism is: Don’t worry about what you can’t control. [2]
Corollary #1: You can’t control the “External.”
Corollary #2: About all you can control is how you interpret your perceptions and impressions of the External.
That’s not all there is to it. Stoic philosophers understood that, for most humans, understanding those simple rules is easy; applying them in daily life is inconsistent with the way most of us think.
We all dwell on, and ruminate at 3:00 a.m. about, many things we cannot control: our health, our popularity, our finances, the deaths of people close to us.
We have a natural tendency to interpret real-time external events in a negative way.[3] Technological “progress” has not helped us here.
As we have become a society who communicates more and more electronically (by text messages, emails, and photographs), we have lost the advantage of hearing inflection.
Those of us who tend to express ourselves sarcastically are especially at risk. Our friends know that we are just smartasses, but the rest of those people …
Interpreting impressions and their intent has become more of a challenge than the days when people talked face-to-face under the Stoia in Athens.
The Stoics realized that all of our beliefs and opinions are based upon how we interpret the External and how misinterpreting it can lead to bad results. [4]
Stoicism is not so much an ethic as it is a paradoxical recipe for happiness.[5]
The Stoics came up with certain techniques to improve our skills for interpreting the External. If anyone has ever compiled a comprehensive list, I am not aware of it. I have selected my examples below from various sources. I can recommend, as an excellent source, one in particular from which I borrow heavily for this article: https://dailystoic.com/. Based upon the current challenges we face interpreting our electronic and social-media friends, these techniques are more important now than ever.
There are now an overwhelming number of books on Stoicism. I will recommend a few on my shelf in a future post. Explaining Stoic techniques is the focus of this article.
Journaling
All of the great Stoic philosophers (Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca) were assiduous in maintaining journals of their experiences, challenges, and self-examination. Assaying one’s day or planning for the next is one of the important Stoic techniques.
In Stoicism, journaling is more than some simple diary. This daily practice is the philosophy. Preparing for the day ahead. Reflecting on the day that has passed. Reminding oneself of the wisdom we have learned from our teachers, from our reading, from our own experiences. [6]
One of the most famous Stoic texts is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. It is simply the personal journal he kept when on the front lines of the Macromannic wars in which the Emperor integrates Stoic wisdom with mundane, daily affairs of a head of state in the heat of battle.
Legend has it that Nelson Mandela read Meditations while he was imprisoned.
About journaling, the great Roman philosopher and tutor to Nero, Seneca, said, “I examine my entire day and go back over what I have done and said, hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing by.” Then, he would go to bed, finding that the sleep following self-examination was “particularly sweet.” [7]
Live in Accordance with Nature
Stoicism evolved from the early days of Zeno (circa 300 BCE) to the early days of Christianity (circa 200 CE), changing forms as it moved from Greece to Rome and back. “Live in accordance with nature” was one of Zeno’s original principles, which remained unchanged over time.
You will find this phrase repeatedly in ancient wisdom. What the heck does it mean?
The Greeks believed that nature (the “gods”) made humans distinct from other species by giving us the ability to reason. To rise above the level of other animals, however, we had to exercise that ability. They believed that a war goes on in all of us, a war between the rational and the irrational. At a very fundamental level, we either make decisions that are based upon thorough reasoning or we make impulsive, emotional decisions.
Socrates and, perhaps even more so, Aristotle was big on this theory; reason was what made humans distinctly human. Putting it to good use leads us down the path to wisdom; ignoring it leads to foolish choices and unforced errors in life.
Could this cognitive conflict be left over from the early days of the Neanderthal and the Cro-Magnon, the latter being the more rational of the two? Do some of us still think a bit more like Neanderthals than Cro-Magnons?
Interestingly, the ancient Chinese book of wisdom, the Tao Te Ching, also exhorts that we live in accordance with nature, but its meaning is quite different, almost the opposite, extolling the virtue of effortless spontaneity.
The Greeks believed that we should use our left-brain, analytical skills more; the Taoists believed that we should use our right-brain, intuitive skills. As far as I know, this debate has never been resolved,[8] but the Stoics, being devout followers of Socrates, preached the use of analytical skills.
Play Your Role
Before Shakespeare [9], Epictetus taught that life was like a play:
If it is the playwright’s pleasure you should act as a poor man, a cripple, a governor, or a private person, see that you act it naturally. For this is your business, to act well the character assigned to you; to choose it is another.
Premeditatio Malorum
A few years ago, a friend of mine referred me to a woo-woo woman in Durango who had totally bought into that school of positive thinking, sometimes known as “the law of attraction,” in which people believe that if you think positive thoughts positively enough, you could manifest them into reality.[10]
Those who follow this belief also believe that the reverse is true: if you think negative thoughts, you will manifest negative events.
The “parking spot” example is a favorite. This is how it goes: if you really want a parking space close to your store of choice, and you believe passionately that you can find it, one will magically open up three days before Christmas when, COVID or no COVID, lots of people prefer malls (or Walmart) to Amazon.
As a person who never gets in enough steps in a day, I am usually looking for parking spaces farther away and not closer, so I can’t say that I have used this much.
I have wondered what happens if you have more people trying to manifest a spot than there are spots. Best manifester wins, I suppose.
Anyway, she was supposed to “clear me” of some emotional triggers that seemed to be causing trouble in a relationship I was having [11].
The problem seemed to boil down to the fact that I have a habit of imagining worst-case scenarios and, as I said, people in her universe believe that focusing on “the negative” will result in your manifesting whatever into which you are investing so much cognitive and emotional energy.
As this theory goes, if you are worried about cancer, that will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Interesting that I had cancer and never worried about it once – until they diagnosed me with it. Can you manifest retroactively?
I did not know it then, but the Stoics side with me in this debate.
Premeditatio Malorum is an extreme form of envisioning worst-case scenarios. It is sometimes referred to as “negative visualization.”
It goes something like this: Think about your family, home, possessions, friends, honor, reputation, all that you have worked so hard for your entire life (and may still have the student loans to show for it). Then, envision it all gone. These days, it would be a lot like going to sleep one night and waking up the next day in Ukraine.
Notice the similarities to the Book of Job.
I contend that, au contraire, if you anticipate the invasion of the Russian army, you will be better prepared when it comes.
Some contemporary psychologists call my approach a “cope ahead plan.” It is often used in behavioral modification to prevent relapse.
To be clear on this point, if you visualize a worst-case scenario over which you have no control (e.g., death), stop burning mental energy on it; if, on the other hand, you determine that you do have some control over whatever it may be, drive more carefully to avoid the pot holes of life.
Manifest that!
Memento Mori
This is a related concept. It means that you meditate, not just on worst-case scenarios, but the worst-case scenario for most of us - death. Each day, the Stoic gets up and lives as it may be his last. Personally, I prefer “penultimate,” so I have at least a day to make sure that my cats don’t miss any meals and their litter boxes are as clean as can be expected after I pass over.
One of the stranger aspects of life is that you never know when yours will end. There was a car bombing in Moscow recently in which a beautiful thirty-year old was blown to smithereens. I’m pretty sure she never saw it coming. [12]
In a New York minute, everything can change
In a New York minute, things can get a little strange. [13]
The Stoics did not deny the uncertainty of death but embraced it.
The Stoic is acutely aware that tempus fugit (time flies). Life, our current state of consciousness, whatever you call it, is finite. I talk a lot about this to my coaching clients. How long do you think you will live? How will you maximize that time? If you believe you will live a long life, what will the quality of your life be the last 5 years or so? How many of the things that you enjoy doing now, that give your life meaning and purpose, will you be able to do then?
The flipside is: what if you die unexpectedly? [14]
The Stoics believed that death was the exclamation point of life. The Buddhists agreed and took meditation on death to extremes of meditation in graveyards.
Voluntary hardship/desensitization/ delayed gratification/self-discipline.
These techniques can overlap.
Voluntary hardship: This is where Stoicism can get a little weird. I can’t say that I have adopted the habits of cold showers, sleeping on the floor, or fasting. My idea of voluntary hardship is waiting in the drive-through at Walgreen’s for one little script while the guy ahead of me is reading Tolstoy to the pharmacist and debating the nuances of his Plan-D coverage.
Voluntary hardship is another way of expressing the concept of delayed gratification.
Hunger is the best condiment. [15]
In 2014, I had surgery for prostate cancer. After the surgery I had to stay on a liquid diet (i.e., broth) for several days for reasons that are more graphic than socially acceptable. It seemed like it would never end, but it did. And, then I had the best pizza I ever tasted!
Desensitization: This is a technique adopted by CBT practitioners, used to help people get over fears and phobias.
There is the well-known case of the man who could not find a female partner because he was so scared of rejection that he would not engage with a woman. His therapist told him to go out and bring back 100 rejections. What fun that must have been!
Apparently, he was unattractive enough, or obnoxious enough, to do that, but he got over his fear of rejection. Rumor has it that he finally married, but within a few months his wife divorced him. By then, however, he had come to expect it, and it bothered him much less than before.[16]
Reframing
When Aaron Beck popularized cognitive therapy, he borrowed a therapeutic concept from the Stoics known as “cognitive reframing,” or, as some now refer to it, “cognitive restructuring.” I call it, simply, “reframing.”
As a mediator, I used reframing in just about every case I handled. I use it frequently in coaching and lawyering today.
Here is one of my favorite examples: Client comes in with a tale of a lifetime of suffering and sees him/herself as a VICTIM. S/he’s convinced that the world is unjust, and s/he’s been getting the short end of the stick all of his/her life. If I can get him/her to reframe that and see what a hero s/he has been, how brave and persistent s/he has been, in face of such overwhelming odds, I have helped reframe the issue that brings us a whole new perspective.
“Sometimes the fates are against you, and you have no choice but to fight for your survival; but you have made it this far, and you are still standing.” That is reframing.
Epictetus is one of the most famous Stoic philosophers. A true Horatio Alger story, he began his career as a slave. Presenting even greater challenges, his master got pissed off at him one day, flew into a volcanic rage, and broke his leg. Masters in those days did not provide any sort of health insurance for their slaves, so Epictetus limped through the rest of his life. His way of reframing:
Lameness is an impediment to the leg but not to the will.
As far as I know, the Stoics were the first philosophers, east or west, to discover the power of reframing.
They had a myriad of techniques for reframing. I will share a few.
1. Focus on the moment. In accord with the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, Stoicism was “a wise and practical school of thought that focused on living in the moment and accepting what life has to throw at you without judgment or fear.” [17]
Notice the similarity to the Buddhist concept of mindfulness.
Give yourself a gift – the present moment. Marcus Aurelius
2. Every negative experience is a lesson or a “setback.” Stoics do not accept the concept of “failure.” You’re not “a loser”. Life is trial and error. You will have setbacks. Struggling to get up any mountain may require that you change your path unexpectedly, the weather may not cooperate, your equipment may break down. Stoics understand that these are not permanent failures but merely “setbacks.”
Just as nature takes every obstacle, every impediment, and works around it – turns it to its purposes, incorporates it into itself – so too, a rational being can turn each setback into raw material and use it to achieve its goal.[18]
3. Every obstacle is an opportunity for growth. Even the positive-manifester types I describe above have started acknowledging that obstacles motivate us; without them, there is no feeling of accomplishment; and, without a feeling of accomplishment, there is no feeling of gaining competence in the art of living.
4. The Stoic is never insulted. [19] Borrowing from Socrates:
the person obviously didn’t know me well enough, or he would have brought up much more damning flaws in my character. [20]
5. Everything is ephemeral.
This technique mirrors Buddhism’s emphasis on the fact that life is ever-changing and, thus, temporary. Both the bad and the good in life are temporary. This is important to remember whether you have just won the lottery or received a Notice of Levy from the IRS. Richard Nixon had his day in the sun; the Beatles didn’t last; Elvis, Marilyn, Janis, Jim, Jimi, the stock market bubble of the Clinton years, those juicy tranches of sub-prime mortgages – here today and gone tomorrow.
The Stoics embraced the philosophy of many of their predecessors, including Heraclitus (“the only thing constant is change” – one of my top ten paradoxes).
One of Lincoln’s favorite phrases: This too shall pass. [21]
6. Trivialize your drama.
The CBT kids who took Stoicism and brought it into our contemporary lives might call this “de-catastrophizing” or “minimizing.”
One famous modern example comes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail (known as the “tis but a scratch” scene): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmInkxbvlCs[22]
7. See yourself as less, not more.
Another lesson from Socrates with Buddhist overtones: Always remember that you do not know it all. The best approach to any problem is “beginner’s mind.”
Another paradox of wisdom is that the sage must play the role of he who knows little or nothing; once his ego begins to assert itself, he gets kicked out of the sage’s club.
8. Zoom out. This technique has been expressed in various ways.
Some call it, “Taking the view from above.”
Others have referred to it as “Plato’s view.”
Fisher, Ury, and Patton adopted it in their landmark work on negotiation theory, Getting to Yes, and called it “going to the balcony.”
One of the characteristics of the Stoic sage is to adopt a transcendental perspective. I called it the “hot air balloon view” with one client, and all she could say was hot-air balloons scared her. Undeterred, I searched for more palatable metaphors to make my point.
We get immersed in our daily dramas. We can lose perspective. Take a step back. Count to ten. CBT practitioners call this “cognitive distancing.” Try it the next time you feel a crisis coming on or find yourself in the midst of one.
Apatheia
One of the concepts that draws me to Stoicism is that the ultimate goal of the Stoic sage is not “enlightenment”; it is not getting off some metaphorical wheel of life and avoiding further incarnations; it is not focused on what happens after your death (i.e., getting into “heaven” or avoiding “hell,” as the case may be); the ultimate goal of the Stoic sage is tranquility, peace of mind, a non-reactive personality, unmoved by passions. This is what the Greeks called apatheia [23].
How you do it is simple in the abstract but difficult in practice. Here is the formula [24]:
1. Steady your nerves.
2. Control your emotions.
3. Practice objectivity
This is similar to zooming out or cognitive distancing.
Don’t let the force of an impression when it first hits you knock you off your feet; just say to it: Hold on a moment; let me see who you are and what you represent. Let me put you to the test. [25]
4. Practice contemptuous expressions
What odd advice! How unconventional! This is another example of reframing.
I have a friend who is a vegetarian. At times, he would rant about how disgusting it was that we humans “ate the flesh of dead animals.”
If your life lacks intimacy, you can choose to see sex as two animals rubbing their bodies together and exchanging these mucous-like fluids for a moment of pleasure at the risk of many moments of misery to follow.
Frustrated about your lack of wealth? Remember that the wealthy have so many problems! How do they know if people really love and care about them or are only interested in them as potential purchasers of crypto?
Envy “the royals”? How miserable it must be to be born into a life of one public appearance after another, leaving no room for the flourishing of a unique human life. How many polo matches can one play without wanting something more meaningful?
5. Alter your perspective.
Another example of reframing.
Remember we choose how we’ll look at things. [26]
What we must do is limit and expand our perspective to whatever will keep us calmer and most ready for the task at hand.[27]
Think of ‘selective editing’ – not to deceive others, but to properly orient ourselves. [28]
6. Live in the present moment.
What matters right now is right now. [29]
Focus on the moment, on what you can control right now. Not what may or may not be ahead. [30]
7. Look for the opportunity.
Here we are again.
The reality is every situation, no matter how negative, provides us with a positive, exposed benefit we can act on, if we only look for it. [31]
This is how one achieves apatheia.
Amor fati
Love your fate.
To borrow a verse from Stephen Stills (who is rumored to have borrowed it from Billy Preston), “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”
Indeed, Stoic concepts have found their way into popular music for centuries.[32]
Sympatheia [33]
Remember that you are interdependent on other humans, flawed though they may be. We are woven together.
Many Stoics, following Socrates, referred to themselves as “citizens of the world.”
The concept of sympatheia is much like empathy or compassion, as the Buddhists called it. If you suffer, I suffer.
None of us are free, if one of us are chained.
None of us are free. [34]
Practice
Stoicism is not just a theory that you read about in a book. To enjoy its benefits, you have to practice it. Give it a try!
Coming Attractions
Stoicism Part III – Sources.
[1] What is Stoicism? https://dailystoic.com/.
[2] “The single most important practice in Stoic philosophy is differentiating between what we can change and what we can’t.” How to be a Stoic. https://dailystoic.com/.
[3] This is known as the “negativity bias.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negativity_bias
[4] Compare to Zen Buddhism.
[5] https://www.thecollector.com/what-are-the-origins-of-stoicism-history/
[6] How to be a Stoic. https://dailystoic.com/.
[7] Id.
[8] Recent research indicates that, if we look at the neuroscience about how we make decisions, the “emotionalists” may be more correct.
[9] “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” (As You Like It, Act 2, Scene 7).
[10] See The Law of Attraction: The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham by Esther and Jerry Hicks; The Secret by Rhonda Byrne; and, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.
[11] The fact that my girlfriend at that time was a codependent, narcissist was much too negative to be a viable theory. Put some more quartz in the corners and light another stick of incense!
[12] Same thing happened to my uncle (Herbert “the Cat” Noble and his wife, Mildred).
[13] Don Henley
[14] “Are we going to have the ‘we need life insurance’ talk again?” Colonial Penn commercial.
[15] Socrates.
[16] I made up that last part.
[17] https://www.thecollector.com/what-are-the-origins-of-stoicism-history/
[18] Marcus Aurelius
[19] https://medium.com/stoicism-philosophy-as-a-way-of-life/how-to-deal-with-insults-af22e255a97f
[20] Epictetus, Discourses
[21] https://dailystoic.com/this-too-shall-pass/
[22] Warning: if you are squeamish, you may want to just take my word for this; if not, it’s pretty funny and makes the point well.
[23] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apatheia
[24] An Introduction to Stoicism. https://dailystoic.com/.
[25] Epictetus
[26] The existentialists will echo this refrain in the 1930s. An Introduction to Stoicism. https://dailystoic.com/.
[27] An Introduction to Stoicism. https://dailystoic.com/.
[28] Id.
[29] Id.
[30] Id.
[31] Id.
[32] https://theconversation.com/how-stoicism-influenced-music-from-the-french-renaissance-to-pink-floyd-181701. The author uses the song “Time” by Pink Floyd as an example (album: Dark Side of the Moon).
[33] https://dailystoic.com/what-is-sympatheia-and-why-its-important/
[34] Solomon Burke. Okay, bad grammar, but good song.