The Simplicity of Toltec Wisdom
Unjustifiably overlooked, Toltec wisdom occupies the dusty back shelves in the metaphysical sections of used-book stores, ignored by the woo-woo nerds who prefer the mini-Zen of Thich Nhat Hanh and the plethora of pop-Hindu put out by Deepak Chopra (Introduction by Oprah).
Best Wisdom Book
As a part-time woo-woo nerd, who has spent an obsessive amount of time searching used book stores for esoteric and elusive gems of wisdom, if I had to vote for “Best Wisdom Book,” with respectful deference to the Buddhists, the Hindus, Proverbs, Zen, the Tao Te Ching, Confucius, and the Gospels, the winner would be the Toltec treatise: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, published in 1997.
The Power of Small Numbers
Four? The great sages understand that small numbers are easy to remember. This was especially important before the invention of the printing press, when sages conveyed wisdom orally.
Buddha encapsulated his philosophy in the Four Noble Truths. I read that the rationale for Ten Commandments was because most of us have ten fingers (in actuality, there are 613 commandments in the Talmud; if you find a person with 613 digits, let’s start a circus!). The Stoics had four virtues, a significant reduction in Aristotle’s eleven (we all remember those right?). I call this the “power of small numbers.” [1]
This is where Solomon screwed up. I am not that sure that Solomon’s wisdom lives up to the hype. Had he been truly wise, he would have known that wisdom does not rest on threatening to cut babies in half (Thank God for DNA testing!); instead, it rests on the law of moderation and the power of small numbers.
Solomon’s lived a life of excessive numbers. Each of his proverbs may have been relatively short, but 3000 of them? In fairness, though, who has time to boil things down when you have 700 wives, 300 concubines, 30,000 slaves and one temple after another under construction?
Don Miguel Ruiz gets it. He knows that people like me cannot remember 3000 proverbs; if we had 700 wives, we couldn’t remember their names, before we even got to the concubines. I wonder if Solomon used name tags or tattoos or a numbering system (“Calling Wife number 640!’). Or, what?[2]
My memory usually hits a yellow light at three of whatever. If you tell me to remember three things, I can usually do that; but, if you tell me to remember four, I grab a notepad. I know that people make audio notes on their phones, and I think that is cool, but, if I do that, I forget to go back and listen to them. My old-school paper-lined notepad sits out on my pub table and does its job by silently reminding me of lists of four or more (and, at times, two).
The Problem of Domestication
Of those of us who have read The Four Agreements, how many skimmed over the beginning where Don Miguel Ruiz explains their purpose? For you, or for those of you who have actually read the book and forgotten that part, I make a lame attempt to paraphrase. Here we go!
According to the Toltecs, we are all born with an “authentic self.” Our parents immediately start the “domestication process.” If we do what they like, they praise and reward us; if not, they scold and punish. They give us love; they withhold love.
This is not necessarily a bad thing; we all need to learn the rules of the society in which we live. We need to learn where the electric fences in life are. However, for better or worse, we give up a portion of our original, authentic self to conform.
As we get older, our parents pass the domestication process on to schools, churches, YouTube, Tik-Tok, peers, and iPads.
As we get older still, we “self-domesticate,” by joining the marines; forming gangs and punk rock bands; going to law school, medical school, getting our CPA license; or taking on other traditional roles in society.
We go from “Tom” to “Tom the good boy” to “Tom the Stoic-Toltec-Sufi-Christian-Buddhist-Hin-Jew” to “Tom the Husband” to “Tom the Father” to “Tom the Lawyer”, and so on until we get to “Tom the Elder.” That game ends with “Tom the Corpse.” In the process, we bury (no pun intended) “Authentic Tom” beneath a layer of masks and roles adopted through the various forms of domestication.
Domestication provides us with templates by which to lead our lives. Whether we adopt the super-Mom template, the MAGA template, the Black Lives Matter template, or “if poor people do not have health insurance, they should not get sick” template, our authentic selves give ground to make room for the templates.
Templates comfort us. Templates relieve us of having to wrestle with many of life’s problems; they give us the answers to how we engage in daily activities, as well as what happens after we die. This cuts down on a lot of thinking; thinking is hard, and, as Daniel Kahneman points out, our thinking minds (what he calls “System 2”) are lazy.
Living by a template can be hypnotic and usually results in our becoming semi-robotic. Like an episode of The Twilight Zone, there may come a time when the robots long to be authentic humans who make their own choices without worrying about conforming to a template that may be obsolete or was ill-conceived.[3]
How do we get “back to the garden,” to borrow a phrase from Joni Mitchell, and live as authentic agents according to templates of our own making, or no templates at all, instead of like so many dogs of Pavlov?
The Toltecs’ answer begins with the Four Agreements:
1. Be Impeccable with Your Word.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions.
4. Always Do Your Best.
Sounds easy. Living it isn’t. My favorite is #2. I flunk that test daily. “What did you say? Me?”
In 2001, Don Miguel wrote The Fifth Agreement with his son, Don Jose Ruiz. The Fifth Agreement is:
5. Be Skeptical, but Learn to Listen.
Five agreements – five fingers!
Interested in learning more?
Drilling Down: Resources for Further Learning
The Four Agreements by Don Jose Ruiz (1997).
The Mastery of Love by Don Jose Ruiz (1999).
The Four Agreements Companion Book by Don Jose Ruiz with Janet Mills (2000).
The Voice of Knowledge by Don Jose Ruiz with Janet Mills (2004).
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Toltec Wisdom by Sheri Rosenthal (2005).
The Gift of Forgiveness: A Magical Encounter with Don Miguel Ruiz by Oliver Clerc (2010).
The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery by Don Miguel Ruiz, Don Jose Ruiz and with Janet Mills (2000).
The Toltec Path of Transformation: Embracing the Elements of Change by Heather Ash Amara (2012).
The Circle of Fire by Don Miguel Ruiz (2013).
Ripples of Wisdom by Don Jose Ruiz (2013).
The Mastery of Self: A Toltec Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. (2016).
The Toltec Art of Life and Death by Don Miguel Ruiz and Barbara Emrys (2018).
The Three Questions by Don Miguel Ruiz and Barbara Emrys (2018).
The Wisdom of the Shamans: What the Ancient Masters Can Teach Us About Love and Life by Don Jose Ruiz (2018).
Don Miguel Ruiz’s Little Book of Wisdom: The Essential Teachings by Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr.
As you can see, the Ruiz family has been busy sharing wisdom. Each of their books passes my test for “cognitive ease.” Wisdom should be simple and utilize the law of small numbers. Like Buddha and Moses, the Toltecs understand this.
Sorry, Solomon. You’ll always have the “split the baby” technique though.
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[1] The true minimalists were “monists,” based upon the principle that the simplest answer is the right answer (Flourish, Martin Seligman, p. 9). According to Seligman, monism suffers from the flaw of over-simplification. Again, we encounter the law of moderation. Kant tried one rule for ethical decisions – didn’t sell. Life is too complicated for a unified field theory.
[2] Legend has it that JFK had so many women “on the side,” he could not remember their names, so he called most of them “Kid.” Then, there were his swimming partners: “Frick” and “Frack.”
[3] Why we do this raises a host of questions. Do homo sapiens have a natural urge to join groups? Did we evolve as group-joiners because there was safety in numbers on the savannah? Or, is authenticity too scary? Is it intrinsically seductive to give up all or part of our authenticity to be part of something that is “bigger than ourselves”? Is that why rational adults paint their faces and wear stupid wigs and go to professional football games in the fall of every year?
If all of that is true and obvious, how do we explain the loners, hermits, anchorites, and cave-dwelling gurus in the Himalayas? If you are an extrovert who does not understand this, please see Party of One by Anneli Rufus.